Chapter 12 - Getting to Know a 'Friend'

You see how I am procrastinating writing the next part? It was the same with Rett. We discussed some of the difficult issues the first month or two, and then I needed a break. I was having trouble sleeping and my mind wouldn't stop, so I decided he and I needed a diversion.

I had received one of those "Getting to know your friends" silly questionnaires, you know the ones that ask you stupid questions, like "if you were a crayon, what colour would you be?". I wanted to get to know the current Rett as opposed to the old one. Get some insight into who he was, without asking questions. And I thought it would be a stress reliever for both of us. We had been reviewing some pretty heady issues and we needed a break.

When I sent the first one, I wasn't sure whether he would play along, but I told him if there was a question that he thought was too personal or he didn't want to answer, simply delete it.

At the beginning of our correspondence, in my head, there were some details I just didn't want to know. To me, this was all about 26 years ago and really wasn't about today. I didn't want to know where he worked, his marital situation and I DID NOT want to know if he had children. It was just not a place I was ready to go. It was a dangerous zone for me - if he said he had children, would I feel jealous, if he said he didn't have children, would I feel guilty? I know, I know...but it was what I was thinking, I didn't say it made sense!

Well, Rett completed the questionnaire, all questions. He didn't just put in one word answers, he thought about what he replied. The second question was "What colour is your underwear?" Seemed like a simple, stupid question, no harm can come from this, right? I never thought about it, but he did.

In one of the early e-mails I shared with him what all I remembered about him. I shared it because I was hurting over the fact that he didn't remember my name. I told him I remembered everything, even down to his black underwear. Apparently, that stuck in his mind because his response to that simple question was "You put this (question) in. Right now? None. Plllllllt"

I can't explain it, but for whatever reason, that stupid question and that stupid answer did something to me. It stirred something inside me...it touched me. Silly, but for that moment I wasn't the hurt woman, I was ...just a woman.

In my mind I have always separated Rett into two people. There was the man that I chose to be my first lover, the kind, gentle, funny, caring Rett...then there was the dark-hearted Rett who hurt me so badly when he left me alone. It was a coping mechanism to survive and live. That simple comment came from the side I had liked. I missed him.