Chapter 35 - Do you suppose?

I have never really gotten angry with Rett. I should have been angry, and I should be angry, but it is an emotion I don't tap into often as it doesn't come naturally to me. I get hurt and sad, but rarely angry.

The day that I called Rett to tell him I was pregnant and he asked me "How do I know it is mine?" I should have been angry, but instead I went into my bedroom and sat on the floor in disbelief, started crying uncontrollably, and banged my head against the closet doors. I remember the empty feeling inside, like there was nothing there, not even hurt...just nothingness...hollow. But I wasn't angry.

I can feel anger building inside me these days. I will get a glimpse of it from time to time, but it won't stay with me, I keep trying to wash it away like a stain on my clothes, because it shouldn't be there. Or should it?

I started composing a reply to Rett's last e-mail - don't worry - I was composing it in my head.

I like how he kept putting my name at the beginning of the paragraphs, as if I wouldn't know to whom he was speaking - so I thought I would copy his style.

Here is how it would go:
___________________________________________________________

Rett, you will not enjoy this but, I have finished my journey with you. I did get the answers that I was seeking. You are still the same sociopathic "dark hearted asshole" you always were, and I did make the right decision, because you do not deserve to be the father of my child.

Good thing I never trusted you - yes I have boundaries as well. Your son will never be subjected to your cruelty and your lies - I have seen to that. So, please leave us alone to live our lives.

I told you I was a writer. Could you tell which parts of my story were fiction and which parts were non-fiction - I doubt it...because I too am good at what I do.

Rett, do you suppose Marilyn would still find you the love of her life if she knew your whole story - not the revisionist story you will tell her, but the true story with all your secrets? Do you suppose she would still be able to look at you with love in her eyes? Do you suppose she would still trust you? Do you suppose she would forgive you? Do you suppose she would still respect your integrity? Ah, but I suspect she knows ‘you’ better than I, and will soon join the elite club of Rett’s exes.

Tough questions, but I know you can handle them.

Godspeed to you, and remember to keep looking at each of those faces who are looking at you - because you will never know who might be there, looking for the good inside you.

Thank you - oh, that's right...I have nothing to thank you for, so it is just...

The End.

Annette