Chapter 36 - Listen

How well do we ever really know another person? Is it possible to know someone other than ourselves? I think that we only know the surface of someone, and maybe down to the second layer if we are really lucky. But to totally know someone...I don't think it ever happens.

To know someone takes a tremendous effort and investment of time, and really how often do we take the time. We meet people everyday, we do the standard greetings and exchanges but do we listen? We absorb what others say but then we throw it away or file it under 'useless knowledge'. We are a superficial society with very little true depth. It's not our fault, as listeners, it's our fault as sharers.

How much of ourselves do we share with others? We sometimes start and then we see that glance at the watch or that far-away look in the eyes and we stop. We edit ourselves all the time. We start telling a story and our listeners seem disinterested so we change the topic or stop talking all together. We don't allow people inside to see who we truly are. We don't want to invade their space.

Do we really want to know our friends or do we just want them to think we want to know them? How much time have you spent over the last week truly listening to someone you say you care about? Take a minute and think about it - don't answer quickly - because you will be wrong. Did you really listen? If there was a quiz a day after the conversation, could you answer 10 questions about the conversation? Or were you thinking about yourself and some menial chore that needed to get done? Or were you half-listening while watching something on the television?

I think we have lost the art of listening. Our lives are full and we are so busy that multi-tasking is almost second nature to us, but at what cost? Do we take that time while someone else is holding the conversation to think about all the items that still remain on our "To Do List"? How sad is that!?

How can we regain our listening skills? Simple. Open your mind and engage in the conversation. Repeat what the person is saying with some insight of your own. Empathize with the speaker as a caring person should. Do not recount a story of your own that in your mind is similar to the speaker's - that's not listening, that's bringing things back to you. This is supposed to be about the other person and not you.

Take the time to care about someone other than yourself. It is time well spent because there will come a day when you will need to be repaid for your investment.