Chapter 47 - King of Hell

I was speaking with one of my friends yesterday, filling her in on the happenings in my life the last couple of weeks, and she said something that struck a chord with me. She was so angry with Rett for what he had done to me, and I was intently listening to what all she wanted to say to him, and words started forming in my head - those angry words that I have been having so much trouble finding.

Finally, I think I am ready to be, not only angry, but done with him. There was always a part of me that wanted to hold onto the part of Rett that I liked, but I don't think that part of him was real. It was a figment of his imagination, something he created to suck me in, and others too.

Here is the final e-mail I should send to Rett.
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How dare you!!!

What makes you think you have the right to tell me anything, let alone how to live my life, or to leave you alone!!! 26 years ago I did that…I left you alone and let you get away with murder - scott free, to merrily run away and hide, like the coward you were - and still are.

YOU questioned my integrity and here you were dallying with me while you were "in love" with someone else! I had the decency to be clear and upfront with both you and my husband. But really, why would I expect anything else from you but lies and deception…that is your modus operandi, always was, always will be.

"A much better man" - you make me laugh. The fact that you even include yourself in mankind is an insult to all those good men who are out there. You should be ashamed of your sociopathic-self, but that would require a conscience - which you do not possess. And to do this to me, after I have shown you nothing but kindness, compassion and honesty, is unforgivable. You have NO idea how to be a man!

26 years ago, I could blame your poor judgment and cowardice on you being young and stupid, but you're not young any more Rett. This time there is no doubt that you did this intentionally, and you shall have to pay for your transgressions from a much higher source than I. You reap what you sow Rett, so good luck, because I have a feeling there will be a lot of bad karma coming your way.

Oh yes…we are done, and as for the forgiveness…that was never mine to release you from - that too comes from a much higher being. Let's let him/her be your judge and jury. I know you don't believe in hell, and I know why, because you are terrified that one actually exists, and you are the King.

To take a heart and pulverize it - twice - goes beyond cruelty, that is sadistic. You need to get help, not from the like-thinking quacks you have been seeing for years, because obviously - they aren't helping.

Worry not for me, because I am and always will be, so much better than you, in every conceivable way.

Please respect my wishes and leave me to hell alone!

Annette
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I have allowed Rett to be in control of my life for way too long...years, and it is time for me to take back the control. The only way I can do that is to finish with him, on my terms and not his. That was what happened twenty-six years ago...I never ended it. It was left hanging there like a torn limb, bleeding and aching and it never healed. I need to cut it off, bandage it and rehabilitate.

The healing begins today!