Chapter 51 - Survival

This blog has provided me with more than just a place to rant. It has been an eye-opening walk through my life. It started with a need to be heard, to have my story told, but it has become something more than that. It was such a private part of my life, and Rett's, but I have learned that I am not alone, and my story is not unique. Perhaps the dates, people, places and details are different than others, but the feelings are shared by many other people.

Everyone has been hurt in their life, some deeper than others, but hurt just the same. Everyone has had loss in their life, a child, a lover, or a friend. Everyone has survived, gone on to live fulfilling, happy lives. As much as we think we can't...something within us forces us to get on, to get up and keep going. Is it faith that tomorrow will be better? Or hope that just around the corner something good is waiting for us?

I have had several nights over the last couple of months where I didn't want to see tomorrow, but something deep inside of me said "It will get better. Just give it one more try. Don't give up." I'm not sure whose voice it was. It could have been my survival instinct. It could have been the voice of reason. It could have been my logical side speaking to my emotional side. Or it could have been something more spiritual. Who or whatever it was, it is within each of us and it will protect us and support us when we think there is no hope.

The more I have shared with you, the more I have learned from you. The more I opened up, the more I received. I have talked more openly with people in the last two months, than I have ever spoken in my life. It feels good to share and to learn, and you have given me hope. And people have shared their stories with me. Each one unique, but still the same themes of loss, hurt and ultimately…survival.

There are better days ahead, and something good will come out of all of this...something good already has...I have learned that people do not judge me as harshly as I judge myself. There are good people in the world, and you are one of many.