Chapter 51 1/2 - Recovery

There are many phases to the recovery from heartbreak and grief, and I can see through my writing that I have gone through them all.

Below are the five major phases.

1. Numbness

2. Denial and Isolation

3. Anger

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

I can almost attach chapter numbers to the phases. Some will have more chapters, others less, but they are all present and accounted for. There is not a particular order that you have to follow. You will go back and forth through the first four, time after time, until it feels right. The final stage of Acceptance is always the final stage. At the onset you may feel that you will never arrive at Acceptance, but it will come - in time.

The numbness stage didn't last long for me - I wish it had lasted longer, but the ending was so sharp and swift, it knocked the wind out of my sails and left me trying to catch my breath for a day or two.

Oh the Anger phase - that is a sweet stage. For me, it took a long time to actually get there, but once I did, WOW. Who knew I had so much pent up anger? We all have anger inside that we don't allow to have a voice, but it is still there, and the longer it sits and waits for its turn to speak, the more it will have to say once it is out. And it feels so good to get it out and let it go...and then it is gone.

Depression is more fluid and melts into all the phases, and can sometimes linger even after Acceptance. That is normal and totally understandable, and if you don't work through all your issues, it could last even longer. It is helpful to get someone to help you work through your feelings, someone to give you guidance, but ultimately you need to do the work.

Suffering through heartbreak and grief is the most difficult thing you will ever do, but when you get through it, you will be a much better person. You have looked your demons in the face and dealt with them. You haven't run away and denied their existance. You need to be honest and look them directly in the eye and say "I am stronger than you, and I can overcome this!"

I started writing my story only a few hours after that final e-mail from Rett. I had never written on-line before and had only seen one blog in my life. I was so determined to find an outlet that I learned very quickly.

Why did I use the internet instead of writing a book you ask? If I had written a book I would never have gotten up the nerve to let anyone see it and it would have remained my little dark dirty secret forever. I needed to find a venue to share with anonymity and without proximity to begin, until I felt safe, until I could trust the reaction, and the blog provided that. I needed to look my demons directly in the eye, and I have.