Chapter 61 - Who am I?

I have been writing for months, but I really haven't spoken about who I am. I have talked at length about how I feel and what was done to me, but who am I?

Rett never really asked me questions about who I was. Was it because he didn't care to know or was he afraid to know - afraid to know the impact my short encounter with him had on my life?

I am funny, so much so that I can make people laugh with just a look, because they know I am thinking up something good. I amuse people constantly, and that is part of the reason why people like to work for me, and with me. I try to make each day pleasant.

As hard as I work, I want to enjoy the hours that I put in. I am quick, not just with my wit, but with insight. I can see the big picture of most scenarios, and that has made me a valued employee. I am known for my integrity and fair-mindedness, another reason why I have a great network of friends and colleagues.

Family is high on my priority list. We are not a large family, but we are close - cousins are included like brothers and sisters. We take care of one another and share our woes and our joys.

Over the last several years we have had some losses in our family, members with whom I was close. My grandmother was one of them. She and I became close after my grandfather passed away years ago. When she fell and broke her hip, it was the start of her demise. She later developped a gall bladder problem and they had to operate. At her age, any operation was dangerous, so I went home to be with her. She never fully recovered from her operation and passed away six weeks after. She was in an induced coma most of the time.

On the day that she passed into the next life, she regained consciousness just long enough to look into my eyes. She looked at me so deeply, like she was looking into my soul - as if she knew all. There was sadness in her eyes, like I had somehow failed her. I knew she knew my secret. It broke my heart - that look will never fade from my memory.

I wish I had the chance to explain to her, tell her my story, but I suspect she knows it all now and perhaps understands better. I pray she does.

Who am I - I am the culmination of all those who have gone before me. I am the sum of their parts. I am the totality of all my experiences – scars et al. I am the happiness derived from others. I hope I am the joy in someone else's day.

That is who I am.