Chapter 62 - To myself

I think I am ready to write that letter to myself that I have been procrastinating about. It is a letter from my 50 year old self to my 24 year old self to help her make her decision. Such as it is here it is...

Dear Annette.

I am so very sorry that you are going through this trauma. You have asked me for my advice, so such as it is, here it is.

I know that you are confused, hurt and so torn with your limited choices, but you need to take time to think. Try to imagine your life with each of your choices; one choice is to have the baby, and the other is to have an abortion. Right now you are thinking from a near-sighted perspective, because that's all you can do, and that is understandable. But take a minute or a day, and wear each decision as if you had already made it.

First (no particular order here) think about what will happen if you have the abortion. Will Rett be there to help you through that day or those days? How will you feel about your decision in a week, in a month, in a year…in 25 years. Do you want children? Will this decision impair your ability to have children in the future? If you don't have children, will this haunt you?

On the other hand, if you have the child, will Rett be there to help you? Will you get your family's support? How will you and the baby survive? Will it impede your career? Are you ready to go through a pregnancy alone? Are you prepared to raise the child alone if Rett does not support you?

Okay, so far all I have done is raise the questions that I am sure you have already gone through, or maybe not. You are really not in a frame of mind to be making decisions - life altering decisions, on your own. You have been lied to, taken advantage of, and left to make a horrible choice on your own. You shouldn't have to make that choice by yourself, because - you are not responsible for this.

I want you to understand that Rett has sole-responsibility for the situation you find yourself in - it is not your fault. It is unfortunate that he is unwilling to help - it is a shame that he could not take a minute and think of how horrid this is for you.

You are a strong, capable woman, and this will not be the defining moment of your life. Whatever you choose will be the right decision. I have faith in your ability to overcome this, and to move on with your life in the positive manner that you greet every challenge, because that is who you are.

As for Rett, it is his loss for not helping you, for not sharing with you in this difficult time. He will have to answer for his choices. It is also his loss for not taking the time to see what a wonderful human being you are, and his behaviour towards you - does not define you. You are so much better than that.

No matter what you choose, I will always love you.