This mid-life crisis has split my life in two. Everything is either pro or con, people are either with me or against me. The grey that I have been seeing for years has changed into black and white again. No more sitting on the fence for the people in my life, my secret is out and either you are with me...or you are against me. It is so simple. Pick a side and stick with it.
I am so tired of hiding in the shadows of my life, never really being me, always being what other people thought I should be...who they thought I should be. It wasn't real; it was a figment of your imaginations. I want to be me, because she is worth her existence.
I don't need to hide any more. It is time for me to come out and play in the real world, let my reality see daylight. For the past couple of months I have been testing the waters here in cyberspace to see what people think, sort of a test run for what I want.
What have I discovered?
I have found that I don't have to be afraid anymore. Do you have any idea how that feels? Do you know how it feels to be afraid your entire adult life? Always keeping things from the people you care about - never letting them know who you are or how you feel - never letting anyone inside your private hell.
Why wasn't Rett hiding? Why didn't he feel the same way I did? Why doesn't he have to wear the shame that I have worn for twenty-six years?
Or is he?
Why didn't I share this with my family? And why don't I share it now? Was I protecting them or myself? Would I be freeing myself if I shared now, or would I just be burdening them?
Sometimes it is best to leave sleeping dogs lie.
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