Chapter 4 - Endings and Beginnings

I experienced the other side of ending a relationship yesterday. I have never broken up with someone, other than my husband, and it is not an easy thing to do. I wanted to be thoughtful and caring, and I took time to think about how I felt when I have been on the receiving end of a break-up.

Mr. Skinny Guy didn't take my hints or my aloofness as an indication that I didn't feel the same way as he did, and I had to find a way to let him go. He is a caring and sensitive man, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings or just disappear. I wanted him to understand why I was leaving him. For me, the most difficult part of a break-up is not knowing why, so I wanted to be clear and kind.

Okay, I wasn't totally honest with him, but to tell him that I had met someone else would have been hurtful, and unproductive. He doesn't need to know. I never said I wasn't pursuing other options, nor did I ask him for exclusivity.

Here is what I wrote to him.

Hi Skinny Guy,

This is not easy for me to do, but I have to go away. Being sick these last couple of weeks has given me time to think and prioritize my life. Things are going to be difficult for my family for the next little while, and I need to concentrate on them and not me.

Thank you for spending time with me, and I appreciate all the time we have shared, but I need to be on my own with my family now.

You are a wonderful man, and you are making a new start in your new apartment, and it should be without ties to before. You will find that woman of your dreams; I am sure of that because you deserve to find what you are looking for...but I am not her...I am way too complicated and jaded for someone as young as you. Find a younger woman with a fresh outlook on life who can dream with you and create the life you want.

Stay creative and true to yourself and be happy.

Sincerely,
Annette

I thought it created softness to the ending, so that he could take something positive out of our time together and move on. There was no negativity or nastiness, just honesty. He had gotten too close, too quickly, and with no reciprocation from me, and the break needed to be clean and clear, and I think it was.

I also ended my time with Mr. Fantasy Guy last night, but this one bothered me, because I really liked him. He is a genuinely nice man who was so gentle with me, and guided me into the world of dating. He was the first man I met when I started on-line dating, and I was very lucky to have met him when there are so many bad people out there. Maybe it bothered me to lose him because he was my first - so to speak.

The reason I ended it with him, was because our 'relationship' had reached its end. We never met. I'm not sure if he is just excruciatingly shy, scared or if that is all he wanted, and I will never know. But I wanted to meet him and tried a couple of times to orchestrate a meeting, but each time, he shyed away, leaving me feeling very alone.

He has a tendency to run hot and cold - lots of contact or none, and I never knew if he would be there or not. He played games on the IM system; where he would appear, and then disappear, and well...you know me...I don't play games anymore. So last night when he started playing around, I had enough and I sent him an e-mail and told him I was going away from him - no more contact. But when I sent the e-mail I felt a tug on my heart, because I will miss him. He sent a lovely note back, saying that he understood exactly what I was feeling, and that he hoped that I would be happy. He is a kind and gentle soul and I hope that we can be friends. Time will tell.

So I am down to only one...Mr. Reality, and we are having fun and he feels comfortable to me...and we laugh. And really, what more can I ask for at this stage in my life, but to have someone who makes me happy. Life is good - today.