Self-fulfilling Prophecies

Self-fulfilling prophecies should be an oddity in life, but I am finding more and more that it is common in mine.

Mr. Reality and I have been 'seeing' one another for about seven weeks now. I say 'about' because for the first time in my life I have no idea what the date was when we met. I didn't note it as I usually do, because I wasn't expecting there to be a second date. I went into this with the attitude that it was a one-off...a one-night stand of my choosing, but it didn't work that way. I'm not sure if it was my doing or his, or perhaps both of us, but somehow it has become something else.

But there is a problem, and it is I. He has been sick with a very bad cold - viral pneumonia to be exact, for the last several weeks and up until a week ago, he was still out and about for the most part. Last Sunday, he was supposed to come over around suppertime, but as the afternoon wore on and I didn't hear from him - I became concerned. As the evening came and went my panic level increased and well...I went overboard as only I can do.

I have been trying to play it cool with him, trying not to get involved, trying to keep my boundaries. I haven't shared my story with him because I don't know him well enough to let him 'into' my life. I am trying, but it isn't easy.

I am new to dating, especially this new venue. I don't want to define what we have. I don't want there to be rules. To be honest I didn't want there to be a 'we', but somehow, here I am. I didn't even know there was a 'we' until about a week ago when he made an off-the-cuff reference to my garage and the fact that it needed to be painted, and he said "We should do that this summer." There it was - out there and I have no idea how it came about. He also was popping in after work, unannounced most evenings just to visit, taking liberties that I hadn't agreed to, but it was okay.

But...I don't take those kind of liberties and I have been very cautious about what I ask, and what I do. I don't have his address or his phone number. He has never volunteered it, and I have never asked. That is my boundary and my way of keeping my distance.

On to my story...since I last saw him on Sunday night he has been in bed sick. We e-mailed one another frequently during the day with check-ins on his health. Yesterday he had a particularly bad day and finally he was vomitting, and that worried me. I assumed that he was alone and that no one was checking on him. I sent an e-mail asking him to go to the hospital and if he wanted I would meet him there. WELL...apparently that was another over-the-top request. He was angry and felt smothered (not his words...mine).

I am struggling with boundaries and where I fit and what I am allowed to do. The only good thing is that he is a communicator and rather than just back away from me, he talks it out. We talked about it (through IM) for quite a while last night, and I felt like a child being scolded. What could I say? I said I was sorry and that it would never happen again.

What is it about men and worry?

He is a strong person, self-assured and I guess by saying that I was worried he assumed that meant he wasn't doing what he should for himself. I have had to take care of so many people, that I just naturally go into nurturing mode - and some people don't like that - mostly men.

So...I have to pull back and adjust. I can do it because frankly, that's where I want to be anyway - less invested. I need to concentrate on me and not him. Old habits are really hard to break but if I don't change I will ruin whatever it is that we have - a self-fulfilling prophecy. A learning curve of sorts for a beginner in the dating world. Relax, live, love, and laugh. Enjoy the day and not one second more than today because it is all we have.