I can't explain it, or ignore it, or pretend today because the feelings are overwhelming me. You are on my mind...in my mind disturbing my thoughts, eeking in where I don't want you to be. I have no idea why you are there, but there you are. Why won't you just go away and leave me to hell alone. Let me be and let me go.
Maybe it's because I am tired...not just physically but mentally exhausted. I need so badly to get away from all of this and just relax.
I just figured it out...I have been at the hospital with my cousin who is recovering from surgery - hospital again...and there are the memories. I don't even consciously think of it...but it is there. The smells, the sounds, the unheard cries, the heard cries and out the memories come to play. They are still that close to the surface even after all this time. I HATE hospitals.
In my head I understand the purpose they serve, and thank God we have them, but in my heart they represent a whole different world. Each time I enter the doors, no matter how good I feel, my breathing changes and there is a grasp around my heart, pulling me back in time. I can't shake it no matter how hard I try, my sub-conscious will not let it go.
Well, at least the mystery is solved, and I understand why I am feeling you today. I knew there had to be some realiatic, logical reason for my slip. Now it is time again to re-group, re-gather, re-dress and re-coup yet again. A small set-back on the road of life.
I am okay...I am always okay.
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2 comments:
I am thinking about you my friend.
And I you...Thank you.
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