Irish Eyes

I haven't written in many weeks because I have been busy living my life. That doesn't mean that there hasn't been anything to write about it's just that I'd rather be living than writing.

Speaking of writing, I have been corresponding with an Irish man for the past six weeks or so and he has caught my interest. I met him on one of the dating sites and it was at a time when I was losing faith in the ability of these sites to actually help you meet someone good...but I was wrong.

I've e-mailed, chatted, met and dated a few men from the site so I now have an idea of who is out there looking, and frankly, it's filled with wounded, jaded, hurtful, spiteful and horny men. I'm sure if this were being written by a man, he would have the same comments about the women.

I've also discovered that the majority of the men have been abused which was shocking to me. One doesn't often think about men and abuse together. It is more thought of from the female perspective - but there they are. I have no experience with abused men so I'm not sure how to react when they share their stories of hurt. All I can do is listen and hopefully be supportive. I wonder though if the reason they are divorced or single has a corelation to their abuse. It is difficult, if not impossible to get over abuse and it leaves a trail a deep, dark hurt.

Some were abused by their parents, some by family members, some by church minister/priests. To build trust with these men is a huge issue that takes time, lots of time and in the fast-paced on-line dating world - I'm not sure if they will succeed. Some have worked very hard to overcome their issues, others have safety mechanism that they have used all their lives that work for them - but not so well for relationships. They protect themselves from being hurt again and unfortunately it also protects/prevents them from falling in love - but it works for them and who am I to argue.

But just when I was losing hope of finding someone without issues, along came my Irish Eyes. His first e-mail to me was simple and honest. I can't remember exactly what he wrote but I remember that it seemed so different from the correspondence I usually receive. I replied and that started a writing spree that has gone on for six weeks. He isn't long-winded or poetic, but it is pure.

Somewhere along the way I started asking questions to try and understand who this mysterious man was and he replied to every one. He is playful and fun to write to. And he is oh so different than all the others. He never asked for my picture, preferring to get to know who I was from the inside out, rather than judging me on my outer shell. He does have a bad habit of replying to questions with another question especially if it is something he isn't totally comfortable answering - but eventually he has answered everything.

A few weeks ago I asked him why he hadn't asked for a photo and he replied "I thought that when you felt comfortable enough, you would ask me for a picture or send one to me. I thought that you were not in a great hurry." You gotta like a guy who says things like that - or at least I do. Most of the men want a picture right away...now, now...now!!! But not Irish Eyes.

While we were writing about whether or not we would exchange photos, I told him that I already had a picture of what he looked like in my head. He told me he wouldn't send me his picture until I told him what I thought he looked like. So I said "Intense eyes but a warm smile. I would say longer hair with maybe a wave in it. Distinct cheekbones, strong features, but soft lips. A kind face which is a reflection of who you are." After I sent that e-mail, he sent his picture and I couldn't have been more right. Scarey!! It is as if I have seen him before but I haven't.

I always worry about sending my picture because...well, just because. It is easy for me to write and tell people about myself but when it comes to sharing a picture all the insecurities come out - that fat child in me will never go away. I always send a preface with my picture...something like "I hate having my picture taken and it shows through the camera." I feel so exposed when I send it and I have even said "Well, if I don't hear from you again...I'll know why." My innerself hopes that they will be able to look beyond and see who is inside, but truthfully, few do...but Irish Eyes is different.

He is from Ireland but has been here for years - but the brogue is still there. He looks Irish and I'm not stereotyping here...he just looks like someone with Irish roots. He is proud of his heritage and since I am Scottish, he takes every opportunity to kid me about it - the feud between the countries continues but we have found common ground with our mutual dislike of England. He likes to pretend that he is pompous and has from time to time pounded his chest but about two weeks ago he shared a story that gave me an insight into who he really is.

He sent me an e-mail just before the weekend and he said that his life was going to change over the next day or two but he didn't want to bore me with the details. Well, you know me...that just piqued my interst so I told him to bore me.

Well, turns out he was taking in his ex-in-laws to live with him. They had been in separate nursing homes and his mother-in-law is quite ill and bedridden. When he heard the story he asked if there was anything he could do to help...well, he lives alone and has the room, so he took them in. When he shared this story with me, my reply to him was "Now, there is the man I want to get to know." That is who he is. More than a picture this story told me more about him than the multitude of e-mails we had exchanged...this man has integrity, depth and the warmest heart I have EVER seen.

So...last week I met him for the first time. We had lunch together and it was lovely. He is exactly the same in person as he has been through his writing - funny, playful, sincere, caring, observant and patient. And did I mention he has the most beautiful green Irish eyes I have ever seen.

I thought this one was a keeper, but today I received an e-mail from him that has ended my time with him. I should have known...and I think I did deep down - there wasn't the same curiousity on his part. At first I thought he was just playing hard to get - but no...he really wasn't interested after we met. He told me there was no physical attraction on his part. At least he was honest - and blunt. It stung to read the words because I had hoped. Rejection is never easy no matter how it is said.

So I said my good bye and wished him well, but it won't be the same without my banter with him.

My search continues...