The Job Description

Well...it has happened - love has entered my life again. It is different this time from the others and I'm not sure how to describe it yet. It just feels differently than the others. It isn't scary or needy or one-sided or abnormal - it is just there. I truly believed that it was utterly elusive to me and that I would likely never find it again, if I had ever really found it before...but here I am - in it.

Why is it that we 'fall' in love? That would imply that there is a leaping off, or a stumbling into, but it isn't like that at all. It is a building of love, just like a construction site, in that you need to have supplies - like caring and understanding. You must have a solid footing or foundation to build upon. That's what I am trying to do this time. I'm not rushing nor do I feel rushed. I am building something that will withstand the passage of time, the storms of the ages, and will still be standing straight and strong even after I am gone.

He is a lovely man, who has touched my heart, not so much with what he says, but with what he does. The little things, that you would likely not even notice, are the ones that I cherish. I have never been into grandiose gestures or lavish gifts, but do something thoughtful and I am yours for life. For instance (and there are so many), the way he reaches for my hand when we are walking or the smile on his face when he sees me - those moments can't be fabricated - they are real.

He has a saying that he uses regularly when I say thank you to him for doing something - he says "It's part of the job description", and by saying that he means that I don't need to thank him for doing something...but I do. He has no idea how thankful I am for him. How thankful I am for having met him. How thankful I am that he is in my life.

If I were to write a job description, I would ask for a man with integrity, honesty, compassion, understanding, passion, intelligence and most of all wit. He meets all my requirements and some I didn't even know I required.

So...thank you Mr. Compassion for being in my life and letting me 'fall' in love with you. It isn't frightening at all when you have a warm, soft, safe place to fall.

Feast of Love

"There is a story about the Greek Gods; they were bored so they invented human beings, but they were still bored so they invented love, then they weren't bored any longer. So they decided to try love for themselves. And finally, they invented laughter, so they could stand it." From the movie Feast of Love.

I watched a movie last night and it began with this quote which caused me to think for a while - doesn't it ring true? How can we take love so seriously? Or better yet...Why do we take love so seriously? It is supposed to make us feel free, happy, content, and comfortable. It isn't supposed to cause us doubts, or worry or unease. And laughter is not just a nice diversion - it is a necessity.

I am at a crossroad in my journey. I have met someone who is making me so very happy. For the first time in my life I feel at peace. There is no question of neediness or wanting more than what is being given. There is no question of trust. There are no questions at all. It just feels - right, and it isn't an effort.

Last evening we were sitting out by the pool just holding hands and talking...sometimes just sitting and not talking but it didn't feel uncomfortable to be silent with him. At some point I removed my hand from his to get a drink and after I was finished - he reached for my hand. I know this is not a huge gesture, but I noted it because - he reached for me...I didn't reach for him. He wants me as much as I want him - it is an equal relationship. It's sad but at 50 I think it is the first time I have felt that reciprocation in a relationship.

I am aware that it is early days yet, and that things could change, but we are both aware of this. We are taking it slowly and cautiously - one day at a time. We talk about the future but in abstract terms only, nothing concrete yet because it is too soon to make those kind of plans. I'm not ready to think that far ahead, nor is he. We've both been badly wounded by love and still feel the sting of it, but we are willing to take the leap together, but this time we are hanging onto the strings of the parachute to guide us to a safe landing.

And we are remembering to laugh...