Kindness, caring, understanding, honesty…and love

We were just two ordinary, lonely people trying to find someone who would treat us as we treat other people, with kindness, caring, understanding, honesty…and love. When you break it down into its smallest components, that's all we were looking for…we weren't looking for any particular body type, or age, or hair colour, or social status. Both of our 'wish lists' were very minimal, just as we are minimalists. So why was it so hard to find? Why are these simple, common qualities so elusive?

We had both been very badly treated in our previous relationships, so we were both gun-shy…not ready to jump in with both feet. We had been using the same on-line dating site for a while and had become experts at sniffing out deception.

I had seen his profile when I was doing searches, but I very rarely, if ever, made first-contact with men. I preferred to let them decide whether they wanted to talk or not…less chance of rejection that way. I received an e-mail from him, and he sounded interesting. We started off by exchanging a couple of light e-mails and shared 'some' personal information, but nothing too deep. I had a pre-set couple of questions I would ask new interests that I considered ice breakers and I sent them off to him. His replies weren't the 'normal' on-line dribble, but instead were thoughtful and very well written. He peaked my curiosity instantly.

The next phase in the on-line world is to move from the dating site communication facility to MSN e-mail, which we did after several days. This step, although non-committal, offers a hint of interest…a positive step forward. It allowed us to share a bit more information and to communicate more freely.

It was during this time that I admitted to him that the profile I had on the site was not totally truthful. The untruths were nothing serious and I was using them more to hide from someone, than to lead anyone astray, but still…if I were going to proceed with him…I had to come clean. This was also a test (which I didn't realize at the time) that allowed me to see how he handled forgiveness…how understanding he was. One criteria checked off my list!

The next phase is the dreaded phone call. This phase can so easily go awry. I hadn't recognized how important, not only the tone of someone's voice, but their ability to communicate, was to me until I started dating again. If a phone call didn't go well…there was no reason to enter the next phase. That's a lot of pressure on one phone call. But hope springs eternal and when you have opened yourself up for a new life…a better life, you are willing to take chances.

He convinced me to give it a try…and to eliminate some of my trepidations, he told me how to block my number so that, even if he did have call display (which he told me he didn't), he would not be able to see my phone number. That showed caring on his behalf…to think of me before thinking of himself. Another item off the list.

I put through the call and he answered the phone, phew...he didn't sound like a cartoon character (don't laugh...that happened to me), but he did sound wonderful. The first few minutes were awkward, as they always are, but within minutes we were chatting like we had know each other for years. Sharing and laughing,talking and listening,inquiring and learning. We talked for hours and the time passed in a blink. There were no lulls in the conversation and I was intrigued. We finally ened our conversation, not because we wanted to but because he had gone through the batteries on two mobile phones. Neither one of us really wanted it to end.

The next day we exchanged more e-mails, each one getting a bit more familiar than the last. We wanted to meet...but where and when. From my previous dating experience I had used a local restaurant - it's safe and the atmosphere is very nice, so I suggested there. He was fine with that.

We exchanged a couple more e-mails and I really wanted to get to know him better and the more I thought about the restaurant the more it seemed too cold...to distant. The table in each booth is wide and that means that the other person is so far apart...no chance to touch. Nope, I needed something better than that.

I thought of the local Chapters and the coffee shop...yes that would be perfect. It's quieter and they have nice big comfy chairs. So it was decided and that's where we would finally meet. It was less formal than the restaurant because he had shared with me that he preferred jeans and a T-shirt to dressing up. He was being honest about who he was...what he like, and yet again...another one off the list.

We exchanged a few more e-mails...and I was even more comfortable, and then I thought...why am I meeting him there? It's Sunday and the place will be packed in the afternoon. We'll spend the whole time fighting for one of those nice comfy chairs and that will cut into 'our' time. So...I sent yet another e-mail to him and asked him to meet me at my place. That worked for him too.

I can remember opening the door that day and seeing those kind eyes - the ones that I had imagined when I had closed my eyes while I was talking to him. I do that when I talk to someone I haven't met - I try to imagine from their voices what their faces will look like; the shape of their face, the colour of their hair...and how their smiles will look. Not that any of these things matter...it's just something that I do.

He arrived at the door with a bottle of white wine (something I had mentioned that I liked when we were chatting) and some beer for himself. It was a very generous gesture that I appreciated...and thoughtful. We moved into the kitchen to put the wine and beer to chill, not really stopping to look at one another but taking every opportunity to sneak peaks.

He was lovely looking...especially those eyes. He had a beard - a little gray, but so nicely trimmed...his hair was dark brown and there was lots of it. He was taller than I but with my heels on...it is hard to judge how tall. I did notice his arms...strong, wonderful arms. At some point while we were still in the kitchen, we kissed and oh....my.....God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had never understood what people meant by chemistry, until this very moment. He kissed me and my knees melted from under me. It was a good thing that those strong arms were holding me or I would have melted into the floor.

I'm not sure how long we kissed in the kitchen or what was going on in the world around me...all I know is that I realized in that moment that this was the best thing I had ever felt in my entire life...and I wasn't going to let this one get away - and I haven't.

And yes...the last item is off the list...this is love. June 8th, 2008 will be a date that I will remember forever.