Disassemble Please

Last weekend there was a sale at IKEA, so Ray & I ordered a TV wall unit and 3 DVD stands (all to be delivered since it would weigh a tonne). They arrived late Saturday and I didn't have the energy at that point in the day to do construction, especially IKEA construction. So, today was the day (well, this afternoon).

I got myself all organized, unfastened the box, and I even straightened out, by size, all the screws, nuts, bolts, wooden pegs and those other unnamed, unknown pieces that IKEA includes. I was organized and ready to assemble the TV stand!

With the 32 step instruction booklet in hand...glasses on, I proceeded with care. It always takes me a couple of minutes to orient myself to the pieces with the diagrams...I find the pieces all look alike at the beginning and there are SO many pieces. I have two large boxes of just pieces, so I just open the first one...wouldn't want to overwhelm myself. I have all the tools that are required for the job, except the level, but a friend is coming over to lend me hers

I figured out the first two that need to go together and proceed to add the funny looking screws and then the wooden pegs. I had a little trouble finding the correct screwdriver, but that's always a problem for me. Finally the pieces are together. That went rather well...I am so excited to have conquered the first two pieces.

I don't know what made me look at the lock pieces again, but a little voice said "Janet...there were three sizes...did you use the right one?" And the answer was 'No...I didn't." OH NO!!!!!!!!!!

Have you ever tried to undo an IKEA lock device of any sort? Well, it isn't easy to see how it could be possible. After many vain attempts with varying tools, I remembered that I had seen a figure in the instruction manual who looked confused, and there was a telephone number. Yes, I'll call IKEA and ask their advice. Surely to God I can't be the first person to have inadvertently used an incorrect screw/bolt/peg/miscellaneous unknown IKEA part?

I reached their customer service person (child would be a more accurate word here) and she said "No Ma'am...once those locks are in there is no way to remove them." Not the comforting words I was looking for from them. I questioned her again and suggested that people disassembled IKEA furniture...there MUST be a way. She said "Well, like, once I did that like too...and I like used a butter knife to get it out...and like it really worked."

Okay, I was desperate...so I like tried the butter knife. To my utter amazement...I worked!!!

So back on track and yes, two pieces properly assembled and only an hour has passed. I am flying through this construction! Two more pieces...then another and WOW....I have the center compartment ready and it's time to stand it up. Then I look at it...really look at it. The shelf upon which the TV is supposed to sit...is only about seven inches...the base of my TV is 9 and a half inches!!

Now it makes sense why a level was required for the assembly...I need to put a wall mount on the back and hang flippin' TV. That's not what I wanted.

I went and had a little break from it all and returned in about fifteen minutes, refreshed and ready to finish this thing off. I accepted the wall-mounted TV and was even convincing myself it might look better. It's time to open the second box and get this thing assembled because after all I still had 3 DVD stands to do.

As soon as I tore the thin cardboard from the wood I saw that ... Houston we have a problem...there was a slice out of the first piece and a dent in it as well. Wait...maybe it's the piece for the bottom and we can live with a little dent under it...nope...it's the top front piece. CRAP. All I want is for this piece of furniture to disappear from my house...I'm over it...I'm DONE.

I called IKEA again and by this time I actually know the number and the following lengthy litany of numbers to press to get to the correct department. "Yes Ma'am...how can we help you today?" God I hate that word...Ma'am...but I'll have to deal with that another time. I explained my problem to this... child.

The words that came out of her mouth were so unbelievable to me...I actually had to get her to repeat them twice. She said "Ma'am...you will have to DISASSEMBLE your unit and return it to the store!!"

Are you kidding me?