Logical?

I'm in the midst of a life-dilema and as always when these things interrupt my 'normal' life, if I write, the answers often will appear before me on the once blank page.

Why does love have to be so complicated?  If each person in a relationship awakened every day wanting to put the other person's needs before their own, or at least on a par, everything would work much smoother.  But we don't.  We each have our list of priorities, wants, needs, must-have's and passions.  We struggle to find balance and compromises and things normally align themselves.

But...every once in a while they don't.

So what do we do about it?  We speak up, we ask for more, we try to get things back on track...or we let it go and hope that things work out on their own.  The problem with the latter is that if things go on for too long, it builds like a boiling kettle, sitting silently on the back burner until the whistle blows and the kettle shakes violently.  In my experience, simmering, leads to boiling.

I believe I am a patient woman, and I have done my fair-share of 'letting it go'...turning the other cheek and picking my battles.  I tend to study both sides (part of my Libra-cusp charm) and then make notes on the reality of it all (my much stronger Virgo side) and then ponder a course of action.  There is always a Plan A and a Plan B...I must have been a good scout in a previous life.  Next is the presentation of the situation and then listening to the feedback and readjusting as necessary...then the Plans come into the picture.  And ultimately the solution will follow.

Doesn't that sound logical?  One would think so...but not everyone is logical, or at least my view of logical.

So sad to let go

I went to see my psychologist this week to help me sort out some things that have been weighing heavily on my mind as of late.  She's helpful but she has been telling me the same thing for a while now...and basically I'm not ready to hear the reality.  I hate giving up and that's what she's telling me.

People who suffer from chronic depression are difficult to love...from my perspective.  They are very self-absorbed just trying to muddle their way through their day that it doesn't leave much room for anyone else's needs.  I'm not a particularly needy woman, but there are some basics that any human being requires in order to be in a relationship.

I guess it's the 'blindness' of it all that troubles me the most.  I'm not able to reconcile how someone walks through daily life and is unable to see what (to me) is so plain.  And that's where the frustration comes in, and then the inevitable hurt and disappointment follows.

I've tried everything to be heard and seen.  I've talked, kindly and clearly...I've written down what my basic needs are...I've cried.  But each time we get onto this merry-go-round I eventually give up and let go a little bit more of my needs.  But now I've got nothing left to let go.

It's so sad.  He's a wonderful man and capable of so much  I've seen what he could do...and has done  I guess that's the really difficult part because I've felt his full attention, even if it was only for a short period of time...the memory of it lingers so lovingly in my memory banks.  The loving glances...the soft touches....the attention to my needs...the being as one.  I miss that SO much.