So sad to let go

I went to see my psychologist this week to help me sort out some things that have been weighing heavily on my mind as of late.  She's helpful but she has been telling me the same thing for a while now...and basically I'm not ready to hear the reality.  I hate giving up and that's what she's telling me.

People who suffer from chronic depression are difficult to love...from my perspective.  They are very self-absorbed just trying to muddle their way through their day that it doesn't leave much room for anyone else's needs.  I'm not a particularly needy woman, but there are some basics that any human being requires in order to be in a relationship.

I guess it's the 'blindness' of it all that troubles me the most.  I'm not able to reconcile how someone walks through daily life and is unable to see what (to me) is so plain.  And that's where the frustration comes in, and then the inevitable hurt and disappointment follows.

I've tried everything to be heard and seen.  I've talked, kindly and clearly...I've written down what my basic needs are...I've cried.  But each time we get onto this merry-go-round I eventually give up and let go a little bit more of my needs.  But now I've got nothing left to let go.

It's so sad.  He's a wonderful man and capable of so much  I've seen what he could do...and has done  I guess that's the really difficult part because I've felt his full attention, even if it was only for a short period of time...the memory of it lingers so lovingly in my memory banks.  The loving glances...the soft touches....the attention to my needs...the being as one.  I miss that SO much.